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Papal authority, now featuring Donald J. Trump

13 April 2026 Roswell AIM Extra, https://theaimn.net/papal-authority-now-featuring-donald-j-trump/

The Vatican has long maintained that the selection of a new Pope is guided by the Holy Spirit, a sacred process steeped in centuries of ritual, prayer, and secrecy.

This week, however, that understanding was dramatically revised.

According to Donald J. Trump, the election of Pope Leo had very little to do with God, and almost everything to do with himself.

In a characteristically humble statement, Trump revealed that the College of Cardinals – presumably after lighting incense and checking the latest polling – decided that the best way to navigate the modern world was not through theology, diplomacy, or moral leadership, but by selecting “an American” who could somehow manage the President of the United States.

“If I wasn’t in the White House,” Trump pontificated, with the quiet restraint we’ve come to expect, “Leo wouldn’t be in the Vatican.”

There it is – laid bare with the subtlety of a wrecking ball. Not just a claim of influence, but of gravitational dominance. Vatican City, reduced to a satellite orbiting the ego of a single man.

Historians are now scrambling to update their records. The Sistine Chapel ceiling, once admired for Michelangelo’s depiction of divine creation, may soon be reinterpreted as an early campaign mural.

The smoke that rises from the Vatican chimney – black for no decision, white for a new pope – has also taken on new meaning. Sources close to Trump suggest a third, previously undocumented colour was briefly considered: gold, to properly reflect the true architect of papal destiny.

Meanwhile, theologians are grappling with the implications. If the Holy Spirit has indeed been replaced by a former real estate developer with a social media account, centuries of doctrine may require revision. The concept of papal infallibility, for instance, could soon be expanded to include Truth Social posts.

At press time, Trump was reportedly preparing a follow-up statement clarifying that he would have made an excellent pope himself – “tremendous pope, maybe the best” – but declined out of respect for the separation of church and state, a principle he has always, of course, held very dearly.

April 16, 2026 - Posted by Christina Macpherson | Religion and ethics