The Total Trumpification of America

4 October 2025, Roswell, https://theaimn.net/the-total-trumpification-of-america/

In an era of bold leadership and unprecedented achievement, one man’s visage can no longer be confined to the traditional halls of fame. First, he wanted his face on Mount Rushmore. Then, he set his sights on a coin. But why think so small? In a move that has stunned pundits and thrilled patriots, President Trump has announced a plan for total perceptual saturation. It’s no longer about a place on the currency; it’s about the currency, the country, and the cosmos.

The following official press release and subsequent details outline the groundbreaking “Patriotic Image Total Coverage Act.”

The Official Press Release

“After the tremendous success of my administration, the greatest in history, it has become clear that the American people need a constant, stable, and beautiful reminder of who made it all possible. So, I am implementing a new policy, the ‘Patriotic Image Total Coverage Act.’ It’s the best act. Everyone says so. My face will now be on… the lot. Why have a little when you can have it all? It’s going to be yuge.”

What “The Lot” Actually Includes

Currency: All of it. Not just coins. Pennies, nickels, dimes – his face is on both sides. The $20 bill? It’s just three different angles of his face.

Stamps: The “Forever Trump” stamp is the only option for mail, with a special “Executive Edition” that costs $10 and is, according to sources, “so much better than the regular stamp.”

Government Property: Every police car, every fire truck, every mailbox, and every single page of every government website. The “loading” icon on IRS.gov is now a spinning golden “T.”

Consumer Goods: By executive order, his face is subtly woven into the fabric of all Levi’s jeans, printed on every egg, and appears as a watermark on all pizza boxes.

Infrastructure: A subtle (but not that subtle) granite inlay of his profile on every mile of interstate highway. Every manhole cover is a newly minted bronze bust.

The Digital Sphere: A mandatory browser extension that places a small, translucent image of him smiling approvingly in the corner of your screen during any online financial transaction.

Nature Itself: A permanent, cloud-seeding program ensures that, on sunny days, the clouds occasionally arrange themselves into a likeness visible from three states away.

Every McDonald’s Happy Meal box: A natural fit. His face would be there, winking, with the caption, “You’re gonna love it. Believe me.”

Bottles of Trump Water: The label is just his face, with an expression of ultimate purity. “It’s the clearest water. Some say it’s the best water in the history of water.”

The Surface of a Giant Comet: As it swings by Earth every 75 years, it will flash his face, reminding future generations of this golden age.

On the Moon: Forget a plaque; a massive, laser-etched portrait on the face of the moon, visible with a good telescope. “So the aliens know who to call for the best deals.”

The Washington Monument: A giant, wraparound vinyl print. It would be the world’s tallest selfie.

A Line of “Executive Time” Watches: The entire watch face is his face, with his hair acting as the hour and minute hands.

The Google Search Bar: A tiny, persistent icon in the corner, offering to “search for the best results, something the other guys can’t do.”

And this biggie: The Shroud of Mar-a-Lago. A sacred linen bearing the inexplicable and glorious likeness of Donald Trump. It is a testament not to suffering, but to unparalleled success and energy.

And one final, fitting addition:

Toilet Paper: For the ultimate “draining the swamp” experience.